return my video game
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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