I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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