What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
