Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
