It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
