Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
