I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
