Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
