Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
