You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
