Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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