So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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