Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
