Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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