yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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