dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
