Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
