I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
