ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
