When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
