yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
