I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
