I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
