I got chris browned last night
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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