Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
