I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
