He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
