just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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