Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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