five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
