this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
