You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
