I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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