Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
