My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
