So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
a search helicopter?!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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