Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
