my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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