i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
