he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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