i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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