His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
