guys are only as good as the porn they watch
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
