this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
