i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
