Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
