Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We're too hungover to prance.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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