I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
