I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
