I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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