The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
