We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
