when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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